Dear You,
I'm going stir crazy today. Yesterday I had so much panic in my chest that I called in sick to work. I just didn't feel like I could make it through. So today, I have no work and I am home in the quiet. Its unnerving. Nothing to think about except you. Nothing to distract me. I played the piano until my fingers were sore. I played for hours today and yesterday. I got out the guitar, and played in my awful sloppy way, and now have twice as sore fingers. I read some scriptures, tried to think of how they apply to my life. Just made me think, I hope you read it. I wonder what you are thinking about. I wonder what you are doing. I wonder if this is easier for you this time or harder. I wonder if I should plan a vacation for us together, to run away when this is all over. ha ha. I wonder if I should give up hope.
I don't know what to do with myself! My only relief seems to be running, but I can only run so long... after 1 hour of running, my hips and knees are aching. sometimes my feet ache too. I have to stop eventually, and then I have to be back amid my life again without you. I want to be relaxing, smiling, getting my head cleared, but the time off of work just makes me anxious in a different way.
I wish we could see the future. Does everything turn out okay? I wish we could have a test run. A month or a year, to see if its wonderful and beautiful like it is in our minds... or maybe it would just be horrible, and we could return to our lives, thankful to leave each other behind. No more questions or wondering.
I spend my time imaging what we would be doing together today. Even without plans, I know you would be home with me today. We'd spend time together, and that's all that would really matter. I miss you.
- Me
No comments:
Post a Comment