Dear You,
I am going to start writing you letters. Its so hard not to talk to you when I miss you so much. Its been one week since we said we wouldn't talk again. Its been 5 days since you wrote me a little story anyways. Its so hard not having you around.
I bet you are working. I know that picture so well: you sitting at your computer, and the change in your facial expression when you look over to see me on video chat. What am I going to do with myself without you around? I'm going to try to run and exercise. I'm listening to the Bible on MP3 when I'm driving in the car. I'm trying to go out in service every chance I get. Too bad little guy is sick today and I can't go do anything. I'm keeping my house very clean.
I can't listen to music. I know you want me to practice piano, but music creates emotion, and I can't deal with emotion right now. I can't even watch TV. Its just too hard to feel emotions when you are gone. So I just try to stay distracted.
Today is rough for some reason. The hole you left in my heart feels more painful today than yesterday. I feel trapped. I need to get out of the house. I was looking forward to life when I talked to you everyday. Everything felt hopeful and happy. Now I'm not sure what to look forward to. I'm not sure if there is anything. I need to go run outside, get endorphins, but I'm home with my kids and no one to watch them, so I can't go run in the sunshine like I want to.
Do you think someday we'll be just distant memories to each other? I wonder if some day I'll show you this blog. I wonder if this will help me get through it or make it worse. I love you still.
- Me
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